I'm over this.

I'm about to make an honest confession. Not that I'm not usually honest. But anyway, here goes.

I'm tired of being an activist.

I'm not tired of hearing the stories of countless men and women oppressed daily.

I'm not tired of being heartbroken over the sadness that surrounds me.

I'm not tired of striving to do more.

I'm just over social justice as a means to feel good about ourselves.

I don't want to be about a cause.

I don't want to be about creating a ruckus.

People need to know about other people. People should love other people.

I want to be about people.

I want to be about love.

But I can't make love happen for anyone else.

I believe love is poured out when we give of ourselves, without getting a bracelet or trendy tee in return.

I believe love is poured out when we cry out to God on behalf of the oppressed.

I believe love is poured out when we choose to die to ourselves.

I believe true love comes from God.

I don't believe that mere awareness and activism bring about change.

Change happens one person at a time.

One person being healed.

And that person choosing to live beyond himself.

This is the gift of life Jesus offers. Real life.

I wanna give life.

Friends, I'm not sure what else to say. I will fight for justice, because it's who I am and its the calling I've been given. I just want to be in the heat of the battle NOW.

And maybe now, that's doing little things. And believing that Jesus is the solution to a dying world. That whoever we are, by allowing ourselves to be transformed from the inside out...we are doing an act of social justice (thanks, Don Miller). We are turning this world right side up again.

I have made it through life unscathed. I don't know why. I wonder if it's fair. It's not. I can't bare the thought of things that have been done to people all around me. You, my dear friends, have born the weight of the world.

I have not experienced the death of someone near to me.

I have not been abused or neglected.

I have not experienced pain that led me to consider taking my own life.

I have not been forced into doing anything against my will.

I have not been lied to, cheated, or betrayed.

Yet, none of us is exempt from the fall. I have experienced my share of sadness and wrestled with myself and the world around me. I have been let down. I have felt belittled and uncared for. I have felt alone and desperate for love. I am still a woman in need of redemption.

But I wonder, do I have what it takes to be part of the solution? Can I bring healing to a world of people that burn with pain I have never felt?

I don't have what it takes. I can't carry the weight of the world. But Someone else already did. And it's His life I have to offer, not mine.

To all of you who share your stories, thank you. And I pray that we can find healing together.

human rights...or not?

We do a lot of things in the name of "human rights." I intend to focus much of my energy into a "human rights" based career. Why do I keep putting them in quotations? Because I'm not sure that "human rights" even exist anymore. I'm not questioning the actions we take to promote human rights, or what has been accomplished as a result of their introduction to society, just the idea of rights. Really, human rights are a relatively new idea. They began with property rights in Medieval law, and then advanced to political rights in Western Europe, namely in France. The Declaration of Independence tells us we are "endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable rights," what many would call "natural rights." Basically, some people believe God gave us rights, while some would say we have them simply because we are human. Sounds pretty intuitive. Here's what gets me. Whether or not you believe in a God of any kind, you cannot even take your next breath for granted. Nothing is guaranteed. Where did we get the idea that we are entitled to anything? Even more, Jesus says that to find your life you have to lose it. Paul says that Jesus let go of his God-ness and "made himself nothing." Hmm. If Jesus knows what he's talking about in regard to life, truly living is not claiming as many rights for yourself as you can, but quite the opposite.

I will say this. Life is valuable. Murder, genocide, abortion...these things are ugly. The question I'm asking is, do I have the right to my life, or do others have the responsibility not to kill me? Christ followers have a responsibility to feed the poor, free the slaves, heal the sick, correct injustices. We are the rebuilders of broken places. And some 'rights' are legitimate needs, ie, food, shelter, clean water, protection... They are necessities for survival, but are they rights? And are they necessary for true life, wholeness, and freedom? Some of the happiest people are deprived of many things we consider 'rights.'


I could go a lot of other directions with this...and I will,

another day.

summer thoughts

I've neglected this blogging thing for most of the summer, because, frankly I haven't had a lot to say.

But, here we are on the cusp of a new school year with a few sweet summer days left to be enjoyed. Summer is a funny thing. In our minds, summer conjures feelings of reckless abandon, freedom from obligations, and unbridled exhilaration. When I think of summer, I daydream about laying out in the grass with a good book, playing tennis, roadtripping, running through fields of wildflowers, writing poetry, bonfires, and sipping iced tea. For some of us, it's a time to finally become all the things we try to be during the school year. Summer was these things. But it wasn't perfect, by any means. Summer can feel like more of a letdown than any other season because the expectations we place on it are so high, so idealistic, and usually unreachable. During the school year, it's a given that school will put a damper on things, no matter how great the rest of life is. But summer is that last bastion of childhood, carefree living.

So...as I'm processing the summer, I'm trying to resist the urge to label it "good" or "bad" or to compare it to summers past. Was it all I imagined it would be? Nope. Did I meet my own expectations? Not at all. But, did its serve its purpose? Only time will tell, but I'm starting to think yes...

I'll keep you posted as I process the last few months, and I'd encourage you to do the same, but I'm getting the impression that God was all over it in ways I have yet to fully comprehend. More to come.

sin.

I'm well aware this word has so many negative associations that we'd rather just avoid it altogether. But the truth is, to ignore sin would be to severely minimize the fierce beauty of God's love. Sin creates a chasm, a canyon, between us and God. It mars our world, mars us. But what is it?

The Sunday school answer of "sin is breaking God's rules" is not completely false. It's just not the complete truth. I've heard the it defined "missing the mark" or "falling short." Again, it's not that I don't agree with these statements, they just don't give us the whole picture. These definitions paint God as merely a lawgiver and judge void of any personality or interest in our well-being. It's as if God exists to keep a running total of our mistakes.

And then, on the other hand, I started learning definitions of sin such as "rebellion against God" or "finding an identity apart from God." These ideas resonate with God's relational nature and do more justice to what sin actually does to my relationship with Him. When I rebel against Him, I push Him away and tell Him my way is better. A rift is created, and our friendship is broken.

But whenever I study sin, the rule-breaking idea keeps coming up...and if God is ruler of the universe, He must maintain order of it. So I can't dismiss those definitions altogether. But how to reconcile "missing the mark" with "rebellion against God"? Rule-following vs. relationship? God gives rules, yes? See Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy...but what is the greatest commandment? The greatest command is "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength." So, get this, THE rule to follow is "Love God." Seriously. It's rule about relationship. Love comes first. So back to sin. Sin=breaking God's perfect laws=not LOVING Him with everything=rebelling against Him. Bingo.

So as God watches us, I don't think He sees naughty children coloring outside the lines; instead, He sees us giving our love away to things and people that cannot truly give us the love we so crave and need. He watches these things squeeze the life out of us, disfiguring and breaking us on the inside. In the process we become people who take and take some more, trying to find life for ourselves somehow. And as we take, we become murderers, stealing the life out of those around us. And yet, we're also dead inside. We're all running around loving things that leave us loveless and becoming unlovable people. We have destroyed the garden. God composed a symphony, we write our own discordant parts instead; He painted a masterpiece, and we smear black ink across the crystal blue sky. Sin is ugly.

But where sin increased, grace increased all the more. He can make the lawbreaker innocent. He can repair the broken relationship between Himself and rebellious man. And He can bring the dead to life.

True Spirituality

Not always having answers, but admitting you don't know.
Not having arrived, but journeying towards an end.
Not mystical, but tangible.
Not superiority, but desperation.
Not always having the right words, but braving the silence.
Not perfected, but moldable.
Not neat, but picking up the pieces.
Not feeling emotion, but knowing truth.
Not belief in facts, but knowing Jesus Christ.



Any more?

How is it possible to try so hard to be a "good Christian" and yet lose sight of looking like Christ?