A Love Story

Child of weakness, watch and pray, find in Me thine all in all.

If you've heard my story before, you might recall a certain encounter with God at Indy CC a little over a year ago that radically redefined my life. In that moment, while singing Jesus Paid it All, I found myself truly drowning in grace for the first time. I found real life. Since then, I've been journeying through different seasons and finding that God is faithful through it all. The last few months have been a true test of walking by faith, not emotion, not intellect...just plain faith. It's hard to seek His face, and not His hand. Sometimes I've felt like a screaming baby, so wanting God to just shove a pacifier in my mouth and give me something tangible to grab onto. The problem is, He's never been holding out on me.

The problem is me. I'm so often spiritually unaware. I'd rather focus on myself and fail to see God's hand in everything. But He is a gracious Father and one thing He will never hold from us is His love. His answers to prayer may not be the ones I want, but they are what I need. So when I asked to clearly know His love, He showed me in the sweetest ways. The unconditional love of a dear friend who after I had confessed my struggles to her, only held me closer because of it; puffy, white clouds against a brilliant blue sky; Him waking me up at 6:30 am before an exam so I could be with Him, truths from a wise friend via Skype, the pure, childlike love of a certain five year old boy, and Oasis.

I went to Oasis not really expecting any emotional high. But I did want God. For most of the night, I was at peace just sitting in the back, listening, soaking up the beautiful sound of God's people making much of Him, with little Danny sleeping on my lap, but at the end of the night, God decided to yank me out of it. He took me back to the place He had grabbed me fifteen months before, weeping in the truths of Jesus Paid it All. "Child of weakness, watch and pray..." I tried to sing the first verse, but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I tried to stifle the sobs, but they were the kind that come from your deep within that aren't worth even trying to stop. But there was so much joy in the letting go. So much freedom. So much assurance that the good work God began is still going on. So much relief that God is still near.

God is good. He is faithful when I am faithless. He is timeless. He has a plan. He is love. That is what I will take into whatever comes at me next.

O praise the One who paid my debt, and raised this life up from the dead.