Hero.

It came quietly, sweetly like the mountain breeze. A Voice.

You've been writing a story in which you're the heroine. Will you let Me be Your Hero?

A Hero. One who is Strong. Brave. Powerful. Yet Humble. Gentle. Tender.

He wants to come to my rescue. To save me from myself and the 'God' I've created. The one who fits into a box. Who operates according to human logic. Who is manipulated by me.

It's just that it involves letting go...
losing control...
free fall.

Living in the tension of already-not yet. Embracing Love without trying to earn it. Admitting all is not as it should be. Celebrating the journey even if the end isn't in sight. Living in the "is" and not the "should." Letting my heart wrestle with Truth, even if my mind knows it to be true. Giving because it's oozing out of my soul. Falling flat on my face if it brings me back to Him. Fighting against the formulaic, systematic, automatic. Looking for the reality that lies beyond answers.

I want Jesus to be my Hero. I want to live life as though He is pursuing my heart. I want to be fully alive.

Our best havings are wantings.

Advent. The season of waiting. Of preparation. Of renewal.

This year, it's unsettled me. It's awakened desires buried deep within my heart, the ones covered in dirt and dust, ones that I didn't even realize existed. And breathed new life into the hopes that were just barely alive.

It's wrecked me, as I realize how chaotic and disarrayed the world is and how disintegrated and disheveled my own heart is.

It's amplified the cry of my heart for peace, for well-being, for right-ness. The cry for all things to be made whole, fruitful, alive.

I hear lines in my favorite songs:

The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger... (O Holy Night)


O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight...(O Come O Come Emmanuel)


Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth (Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)


No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found... (Joy to the World)

and everything within me swells with joy.

C.S. Lewis said "Our best havings are wantings." I think he's right. I would rather feel the pain of being incomplete, the wanting for 'something more' than be perfectly content and complacent.

Most of the time, it's easy to stuff these longings away. It's more comfortable to quiet them with things that make me feel good. Even if those things aren't really so bad in and of themselves. Friends. Family. School. Work. Workouts. Unless the rhythms of life are disrupted somehow, it all keeps going and going, and I forget that eternity looms.

And that's why Advent is glorious. It forces us to push pause. It disrupts 'normal.' It's a wake-up call to reality, a call to throw off the covers, get out of bed, and take a breath of cold, fresh mountain air...

Our King is Coming.

We are enlarged in the waiting.

"Waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy."
-Eugene Peterson

Little joys.

On a night I'd really like to be in the mountains or at the symphony, I'm going to celebrate the little joys in life...and share them with you at the same time. :)

Life-giving words:
Prayer, by Phillip Yancey
Wasting Time With God, by Klauss Issler
Searching for God Knows What, by Donald Miller
Philippians

Sipping delight:
Celestial Seasonings Bengal Spice tea
Starbucks Caffe Verona
Silk Light Soy Milk
Peanut-butter banana smoothies

Yummies:
Better 'n Peanut Butter spread...guilt free and delicious on oatmeal, toast, smoothies
Homemade Clif bars: recipe
Creamy Lentil Soup: recipe
Salmon.


Sounds of Beauty:
Mozart Piano Concertos- Murray Perahia
Page CVXI- Hymns
John Michael Talbot- Table of Plenty
Rich Mullins- A Liturgy, A Legacy, and A Ragamuffin Band

Weather:
60 degrees in November, sure I'll take it.

Quotable:
"There is a fresh, sanctified I-don’t-care-ness that accompanies belief in the gospel. Whether you like me or not doesn’t matter, because my worth and my dignity and my identity are anchored in God’s approval. Christ won all of the approval and acceptance I need." -Tullian Tchividjian

and this:

"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it." -I Thessalonians 5:23-24

Grazie, Signore.

Grazie, Signore, for Your lips twisted in love to accomodate my sinful self; for judging me not by my shabby good deeds but by Your love that is Your gift to me; for Your unbearable forgiveness and infinite patience with me; for other people who have greater gifts than mine; and for honesty to acknowledge that I am a ragamuffin. When the final curtain falls and You summon me home, may my last whispered word on earth be the wholehearted cry, "Grazie, Signore."

-Brennan Manning

Lately, this has been so true.

Somehow, whenever I'm up where the air is a bit thinner, the sky is a little bit bluer, the scent of pine is wafted through the breeze, and I'm surrounded by snowy peaks, it's like hitting reset. Everything within me is exactly as it should be. I am reminded that God is... God. He is big. He can take care of things. Without me. He knows that I forget this often. So He set me here, where I can't miss Him or His magnificent work. And my heart is happy.

“Penitent sorrow is only a purge to cast out those corruptions which hinder you from relishing your spiritual delights. Use it therefore as physic [medicine], only when there is need, and not for itself, but only to this end, and turn it not into your ordinary food. Delight in God is the health of your souls.”

Richard Baxter, A Christian Directory (Ligonier, 1990), page 142.

from http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/rayortlund/2011/10/13/not-your-ordinary-food/?comments#comments