Enough

Enough.

Do I really know what that word means?  Have I ever had just enough? 


Compared to 99% of the world, I've always had more than enough. A lot more. 

Then why is enough so hard?

It hit me while shopping at Safeway a few months ago. I was getting all anxious, pacing up and down the cereal aisle. I already had cereal at home, but I couldn't just have only one kind of cereal to choose from, could I?

Where did this voice come from? Who said I could not be satisfied with one lonely box of cereal sitting on my refrigerator? Who said my happiness hinged on Raisin Bran vs. Special K vs. Honey Bunches of Oats?

Once I had this epiphany,  I felt a little bit foolish for worrying about cereal, and finished filling my cart with the things I was actually out of at home.

The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that a theology of "enough" would completely turn my world upside down. Beyond cereal. 

I'm convinced God only intended for us to have "enough." Any more, and we get all cocky and self-sufficient. Why would He give the Israelites just enough manna for each day? Why would He lead them through the wilderness with a cloud by day, and fire by night, instead of giving them the whole list of turn-by-turn directions? Why would Jesus pray "give us this day our daily bread..." if we needed any more than that? Or say "sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

It's hard right now, to say that I have enough.

I want a job.
I want a husband.
I want to move out.
I want new dreams.
I want plans.
I want to "move on" with my life.
I want backpacking in mountains with crisp air, clear streams, wildflowers, and the most stars ever seen.

But can I say this...flat, windy, humid northwest Ohio... is...enough?

I have parents that want to provide for me in their home.
I have friends that know me better than I know myself.
I've been re-crossing paths with people I never would have imagined.
I get espresso every morning.
I cuddle my fluffy white dog.
We share dinner on the back patio.
I grow columbines and wild daisies on my window sill.
I admire orange ditch lilies along country roads.
I bike through winding dirt trails under canopies of green.
I splash in muddy river water.
I ponder in wide open spaces.
I drink in pink sunsets.

It's an hourly battle to believe that yes, this is truly enough.

And what it comes down to is this: Is God Himself, enough? Whether He gives me what I want, or not?