For these seeds to give birth to life, first they must die

I never wrote a sappy end of the year post...or an overambitious new year post...but that's not to say I didn't reflect on the old year or make resolutions for the year to come. I actually have done a lot of thinking on both recently. Last year was by far the best year of my life. Hands down. Jesus met me in an undeniable way and there's no turning back. The relationships formed, the experiences, the insights, the change, all of it...incredible. There were so many awesome moments I will never forget. Moments that shaped my reality. And I'm grateful for every one.

As I look into 2010, it's easy to think that what I want is a replay of all the best things in 2009. But maybe that's not true. What was good in 2009 was indeed good. It was very good. And yet, that was 2009, and if I never move beyond it, what's the point? I am secure in who I am. In what I was created for. In my life's purpose. In God's love and my love for him. Sometimes I forget, doubt, or resist God, but when the emotions run dry, I have a love that runs much deeper. And as a good friend told me, "Love just is." That depth is what I desire more of, and yet I don't always want the pain that comes with it. The more I experience God, the more I see myself as so far from who I want to be. The truth is, though the mountaintop views of God were spectacular, the trudges through the valley made God appear even greater. And so, perhaps 2010 will be less mountaintop and more valley, more desert, more fog, more wind and rain and ice and show, but I am choosing to believe what is ahead is better than what has been.

It hit me that while we experience winter as a season of death, other places on earth are thriving. But perhaps in a sense, death and thriving aren't so far apart. After all, as we speak, all those trees and flowers are storing up precious nutrients so that in a few months they can blossom in all their glory. Their beauty is masked for a season, but they are not stagnant by any means. Maybe winter is really a new beginning. Maybe that's life sometimes. Even when this world feels like death, I am choosing to believe that an even more beautiful spring is coming.