“Penitent sorrow is only a purge to cast out those corruptions which hinder you from relishing your spiritual delights. Use it therefore as physic [medicine], only when there is need, and not for itself, but only to this end, and turn it not into your ordinary food. Delight in God is the health of your souls.”

Richard Baxter, A Christian Directory (Ligonier, 1990), page 142.

from http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/rayortlund/2011/10/13/not-your-ordinary-food/?comments#comments

All My Favorite People...

Saw Over the Rhine last night, at an intimate little venue called The Soiled Dove. It was a home coming for me. Not just the passing references to Ohio, but the music. Something about music brings you home. It makes you feel known, like an old friend wrapping their arms around you and holding you close. It brought me back to wide open spaces, magnificent sunsets over cornfields, and celebrations of life with delicious food and drink. And most of all, to my favorite people. People with stories, struggles, and beautiful dreams. People praying desperate prayers, people seeking hope, people creating art and music, and people living redemption.

Thanks, OtR. It was good to be home.

All my friends are part saint and part sinner
We lean on each other, try to rise above
We are not afraid to admit we are all still beginners
We are all late bloomers when it comes to love

Hello, October.

It's been awhile.

What rocks:
-The mountains. I am in awe every day. Hiked a 14er last weekend. Went on a drive to see the aspens today. Every time I go up I feel like I leave more of my heart there.
-School. I feel so KNOWN as I read my textbooks. It's gonna be a process, but I feel like I've been wired to do this.
-People. Building community has been challenging, yet so rewarding. Excited for the ways God will use us to sharpen each other.
-Music. With 4-5 hours of reading a day, I can't read for relaxation anymore. Music has never been such a sweet release.
-Church. This is SO huge. I thought that my eclectic blend of passions and spiritual heritage would make it impossible to find somewhere I could call home. Welp. God proved me wrong.
-Weather. It's been cloudy all of...two days.
-Coffee. I drink it. a lot. And it's pumpkin spice season. (If you care about such things, ordering a nonfat pumpkin spice misto is the way to get delicious-ness without the insane amount of calories.)
-Cooking. I've been loving the challenge of cooking delicious, healthy things. It's a great outlet from studying, too.
-My apartment. Super cute. Homey. IKEA-ed. Peaceful.
-Bike trails. So many places to go. So many people out. So life-giving.
-Old friends. I still feel so loved and supported by my BG/past life friends. What a sweet gift.
-God. He's challenging me, teaching me, romancing me, making me cry, making me laugh, and making me new all at once.


What's hard:
-The mountains. I have to longingly gaze at them all the time, wishing I could be there. So close yet so far.
-School. It's a full-time job. It's exhausting sometimes. I have to work on my attention span in 3-hr classes.
-Ohio is over 1000 miles away. I wish I could share all these great things with my dearest friends and family.
-Finding my feet again. It's strange being here for school. Just school. I'm craving to move outward and serve and yet I know this time of life is going to be different than any other.
-Love. Being loved by God and loving others. I'm not so great at the first, and consequently struggle to do the second. I'm in progress.


So, there ya have it. Life in a nutshell. Hope your fall is full of crunchy colorful leaves, apple cider, football, and the joy of a God who stays the same through it all.


(oh yea, this is where we camped last weekend.)

On Creativity

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through."

-Ira Glass

The Junk Drawer

On one of my Target excursions this week, I noticed something that made me giggle a little bit. A junk drawer organizer.

Doesn't that just strike you as oxymoronic?

For one, who has an organized junk drawer?

But really, why do we insist on keeping useless stuff in the first place? And if we're going to bother organizing it, why not just get rid of it altogether?

The junk drawer, though, seems to be a reflection of who we are as human beings.

Because we all keep spiritual junk drawers. Can you relate? We all have things in our lives that we know really aren't that healthy but that we just kinda like. So we shove them aside and hope no one notices, or better yet, that God doesn't notice.

We have our reasons. Complacency, indifference, fear, pride, comfort.

Regardless, we'd rather organize our junk drawers than throw stuff out. As long as we "manage" our sin, we think we can keep up our Christian appearance. We can live an okay life and be pretty happy.

But God knows that the stuff we keep in our junk drawers is actually toxic to our souls. He knows its keeping us from the best life. So He offers to take it off our hands, and turn our trash into treasures. But it's our call whether we'll hold on to the stash or let go. This year, I wanna let God empty out the junk drawer. Yes, it will be a battle. Yes, it might seem like not much fun at first. But the reward is far greater.

Been digging Hebrews 12 this summer...

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Remember

Being back in Iowa has been more than a "sentimental journey." When I had to move away from this place as an eighth grader, I was convinced that my life was over and that my parents were the meanest parents ever. I thought I already had the best life possible.

And while I'm not kicking and screaming going to Colorado, (quite the opposite really,) there's still a tiny part of me that says to God, "are You sure You can top BG?" Because, in all reality, the last few years have been mindblowingly awesome. But this time, I believe He's saying YES. I can do more than you can ask or imagine. Just you wait.

And I believe it because this week, He has given me small reminders of how He surpassed all of my expectations in NW Ohio. Reminders that He never left me alone, but provided me with community, purpose, and joy. Spending an evening with dear friends around the fire, finally having Kermit's with the Erica Reese, getting coffee with Amanda, catching up with my high school choir director, celebrating my sis's 20th birthday, Dreya stopping by, and so many hugs and prayers from so many beloved friends before leaving... AND I get to come back here to Iowa and reconnect with old friends, no longer 13 year olds but beautiful women all pursuing the Lord and His purposes for their lives! All these good things in spite of my stubbornness and refusal to trust Him.

I can relate to the Israelites. I, too, am forgetful. I, too, need constant reminders of who God is. I have to practice remembering.

"If you say in your heart, 'These nations are greater than I. How can I dispossess them?" you shall not be afraid of them but you shall remember what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt and to all Egypt, the great trials that your eyes saw, the signs, the wonders, the mighty hand, and the outstretched arm, by which the Lord your God brought you out. So will the Lord your God do to all the peoples of whom you are afraid." (Deuteronomy 7:17-19, ESV)

He will do what He has done before. He can do the same. And more.


A few looks from the night...

Anna and I remember having tea parties and stringing froot loops on necklaces as three-year-olds. Then we grew up playing tennis and going to church together. She became a sweet encouraging friend as we shared life in a middle school girls small group...



I've known Courtney since 1st grade... we were playground buddies, and play-doh buddies, and just best friends. I've admired the woman Court has become and it was such an honor to be a part of her wedding to a wonderful man, Charles :)

En route

The boxes have been packed. Goodbyes have been said. I'm halfway across the country.

And I'm so at rest.